Jesus came back…

only briefly (and not to take the righteous)

he came to announce a hotline.


People wanted a more direct connection,

people wanted a way to get support,

and people wanted to hear His voice in times of duress.


The hold music was terrible

Christian Rock—and not the good kind—

turns out angels are much better with harps.


You often got disconnected and would have to call back,

and the dial by name extensions was crazy:

you have to go thru about a million saints before you realize


God is *, of course.


And God, he was never in…or busy…and he’d send you

straight to voicemail

and the voicemail box…it was full.

And so folks stopped calling,

went back to church on Sunday,

went back to praying an singing.


Apparently, it was Jesus’ idea the whole time

so he came back again;

appeared in a Denny’s (he wanted to seem approachable).


The cameras were on and everyone had a million questions

he raised his hands and the world listened carefully

“How do y’all feel about Twitter?”



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